To Mend, Or Not to Mend?.... That is the Question!

Have you ever found yourself in a relationship with someone who is, in truth, great... but you feel like something is definitely missing, or causing you to change?  It could be a friend, a boyfriend, or a superior, but it doesn't matter... cause weird stuff happens, and people change.  


Whether or not you have ever faced this predicament, you are bound to face it more than once in your life.  So here are my suggestions to you:)


1) Be aware of your surroundings, and know the people who are in your life WELL!  By doing this, you will not only be able to possibly serve them greater, as a friend/supporter, but you will also be able to pick up on potentially dangerous changes early.  This is, to me, one of THE MOST IMPORTANT KEYS to coming out of these types of relationships safely.  Sadly, I had to learn that the hard way, but will definitely know better next time.  Know your friends, their beliefs, their standards, their choices, and their families.  We become who they are, just by spending time with them, so make sure that's something you are ok with representing.


2) When this situation pops up among friends.... Although we may be hesitant about distancing ourselves from a group of people who have become our "crowd", if something in your heart tells you to get out, don't wait around to find out why!  The longer you stay with these people, the more you become apathetic to their choices!  If what they are doing is not something you started out believing in, and it makes you feel uncomfortable, or you question its purpose, THEN DON'T DO IT!  Sometimes, we have to realize that, by hanging out with these people, we are telling the world, "I'm ok with this."  If you are not ok with this, then voice your feelings to your friends... and if that doesn't work, then GET OUT, cause they were never your friends in the first place.  Now, you've got to know that the OBVIOUS won't always be obvious.  For example, growing up, and throughout my middle school life, I had a LOT of friends, and mixed with many cliques.  All of these kids were just like me, for the most part.  Usually Christian, involved in youth group, sports, or school activities.  They didn't have tattoos all over their bodies, they didn't breathe fire, or smoke pot, and they definitely didn't cuss.  I thought I had finally found a safe crowd, but then came.... High School!  All of a sudden you weren't allowed to talk to 'certain people', let alone, make EYE CONTACT!  My girl friends started dressing... different... with lots of midriffs, cleavage, and bootie shorts, and my guy friends stopped seeing me as a friend, and more, as an object.  No longer was it cool for me to shoot hoops, or talk, because to them, I now had ulterior motives!  Psh!  Now, to even have a shot at sitting at their table at youth, I felt like I had to be ok with their choices/behavior... and I wasn't.  So what was I supposed to do?  Lose ALL of my friends? .... Let me ask you this.  From my story above, were any of them really my friends in the first place?  A friend isn't a number on Facebook; a person you accept, cause he's friends with your friend's bf!  A friend is someone who knows who they are, who you are, and builds from there.  Someone who is just as much there for you, as you are for them.  Who's supportive, and helps you stick to your dreams.... Were any of those people that for me?  No.  So why hang onto them?  You gotta let 'em go.


3) When you start to question the situation developing with one of your "just friends"... Here's another really tough genre of friendly that is tough to let go of!  As girls, especially for those who don't have strong father figures in the home, we tend to thirst for someone to fill that male role in our lives.  If we don't find it at home, we look for it in friends... but the truth is, no guy-girl friendship can last as "just friends" if the girl's intention is to use the guy as filler, and the guy's intention is to use the girl as arm candy, or practice!  Sadly, and many will admit to this, this is what happens in oh too many g/g friendships!  We were wired to want to be by a guy's side, to want to fill his head with support/encouragement, and to be needed by the dude... but all of that was put in us for the purpose of marriage!  No wonder people used to marry their kids off at twelve/thirteen!  Those hormones kick in, and you better get a ring on that girl's finger, before she goes running off with the shepherd!  Lol!!  Sadly, in our society today, since it's "okay" to have sex before marriage... marriage, itself, is no longer as sacred and special.  It's like, "oh, so we've been living together for three years now, sleeping together for five, I guess we should just go ahead and do this thing, for real."  What about any of that is even left to be "real"?  Our generations are withering in our beliefs, our standards, our faith, and our self respect.  What people don't realize, is that those habits start at a young age, in the home, and in your friendships.  Most kids base their faith, standards, and future goals, off of what they see in their parents, or learn from them.  However,  have you ever taken a step back to look at your g/g friendships?  Do you see some habits being put to practice there?  Maybe some flirting?  Some hair twirling?  Some selling yourself short?  You have a choice in all of this.  They may not know about self worthy actions, but you can lead by example, and cut your ties if it doesn't rub off.   This time in our lives should be used for discovering ourselves, not wasting our time making moony eyes at a boy who is going to be someone else's husband someday!  Just be careful, ladies.


4) Woolf among the sheep:  Finally, beware of those good 'Christian' boys who are genius enough to realize that the church is the best place to pick up 'good girls'.  I've seen this happen oh too many times.  Where the boy puts on some spiritual act, to get an, "Awwww!", from the ladies, or incessant hugging/hand holding.  We almost set ourselves up for it, when we go around acting like our man's gotta be Mr. Darcy, but hey, we live and we learn.  The truth is, no guy should be Mr. Darcy, because he is a fictional character, created by a WOMAN!  All his die hard traits are WOMANLY traits, because truthfully, men were not made to be OUR helpers, we were made to be THEIRS!  So don't work yourself up, and fall in love with a woman, dressed as a tall, dark haired, brooding, lover boy... but appreciate today's real man, for what he is.  They are looking for our approval, so we need to stop messing with their minds, and treating them as objects for our use, and start treating them like brothers in Christ, who need to be guided, and supported, in this tough/tempting time in their lives.  You have a chance to truly be a friend to a guy, for the right reasons.  Help prepare his heart for life after high school, cause this mini-kingdom won't last forever.  When you are interacting with someone, ask yourself, "Is this something his wife will thank me for, someday?"  


Be careful out there ladies!


Clay

Boys will be Boys... So What should You Avoid?

Hey girls!


As many of you know, girls can be vicious, at times.  Many are wonderful, as long as you are on their side, and some are genuinely sweet.  If you are like me, you may have morphed over to hanging out with 'the guys' more often than, 'the girls'.  Lol!!  Well, if you have, I feel your pain, and I understand why you might think that, by hanging out with guys, you will get the best of mostly everything!  Sadly, I had to learn my lesson the hard way.  So here is my article to you, my fellow young women, on how to keep your actions in check for God, your friends, and yourself. :)


For years now, I have been one of 'the guys'... in theory, that is.  About 75% of my friends are male, and for a long time, I thought I was living the life.  Coming from an area of competitive, backstabbing, girls, I felt that, by hanging out with guys who would never be my competition (and don't seem to be interested in cat fights) I would be 'playing it safe' for myself, and my happiness.  There were so many pluses to hanging out with 'the guys'!  I could wear sweats/bball shoes, play catch, or a game of three on three, and most importantly, there was NO CHICK DRAMA WHAT-SO-EVER!!! :D  For a long time, I thought I was in heaven.  Going to the movies with four guys, versus one = SCORE for my ego!!... Having close friends, of the opposite gender, to discuss relationships with = SCORE for my ability to understand guys better... and finally; Being able to feel accepted, and safe, with a group of people I truly felt good with = a boost to my happiness. :)  Through it all, a few warning flags went up, whether it be in discussions, or change in attitudes, but I ignored them, hoping to keep what I had going for awhile.  Sadly, I finally discovered why male/female friendships can be SO complicated if you're not careful, or you let your guard down.....


Of the four, or five, different times I have tried the whole 'one of the guys' things, my predicament in the end has persisted.  Eventually, somewhere along the way, a conversation is going to be hindered by your presence, an activity cancelled because they want to keep it literally just 'the guys', or a friendship will begin to develop into something else... for one of you.  Although the first two items on that problem list can make you feel bummed, like you are holding those friends back, the final item can literally ruin your friendship with the whole group.  Eventually, either you, or one of your guy 'friends', is going to start seeing someone in a different light... the crush light. :/  When that happens, it's down hill from there, unless you are both on the same page.  Sadly, because you joined the group to be a friend, that doesn't always mean you were accepted for that purpose.  The reality of it is, girls were never meant to be 'one of the guys'. :(  If you are like me, and you hoped that would not be the case for you, hope again, because it does not change based on the person.  No matter what, we were created to be attracted to the opposite sex, and if you mix those genders on a 1:5 ratio (or anything where you are outnumbered, and it's not a GROUP of evenly proportioned friends) things WILL end badly.  You may have a few weeks of un-awkward down time with 'the guys', but you, as a young woman, are testing yourself, and those around you.  Bottom line, guys are great, and they can be amazing friends, but we cannot allow ourselves to enter an outnumbered group of 'friends'.  For our sake, and for the sake of those we encounter, we must display choices that follow after our faith.  We, as young women of Christ, should never enter a situation that we secretly know will either tempt us, or the people with us.  Now, I am not saying that, by entering an 'evenly proportioned' group, things will change.  NOT AT ALL!!  Ha, ha!  Again, we are human, and we were designed to be attracted to the opposite sex, but by entering an evenly proportioned situation, your image as a young woman is not as hampered, your temptation is not as great, and your safety, and ability to blend with everyone, increases with 'non-coupled' events.  


As far as girl drama goes, high school does not last forever, and eventually you can get out into a MUCH bigger world, to find some true, humble, Christian, young women to surround yourself with.  Until then, devote your time to your church, or community.  Find ways to get yourself out of tempting, or dangerous, situations.  When you are hurting, or scared, find someone who is feeling even worse than you, and serve them.  In this, you will make your Heavenly Father smile, and put your soul to rest. :)  Imagine each young man you come in contact with, as someone's husband someday.  May your behavior mirror what you would prefer the young women, in your future husband's life, to behave like. 


Press on, ladies!


Clay 

New Blog Playlist!!

In preparation of Valentines' Day, I've gotten an early jump on the upcoming holiday (along with most of the local franchises)!  LOL!! I hope you enjoy the new music available on my page!!

The Greatest Comfort

Sometimes, the greatest comfort in life, when you're down, and crying, is not a perky friend who says, "It'll be okay, eventually," to try to comfort you... but it's the friend who comes to you, with tears in his/her eyes, and says, "Let me cry with you.  We'll get through this together," that truly soothes a person's breaking soul.  It's not always about strong, protective arms to run to, but it's about an understanding soul to grow with in strength, faith, hope, and love.


I find comfort in the arms of one who I can cry with... I hope you find that someone too. :)


Happy New Year!! :D

Are You Really Single?

     It's been awhile since I've been able to post, but I'll take the time to XPress my feelings after speaking to a youth group this afternoon.
    So much of who we determine ourselves to be is based on status, who we are and what we do, but what of who's we are??  Have we ever stopped to think that that might be what really counts?  It is a pleasure to be able to speak with other kids etc., but the thing I'm most grateful for, is Him using me to speak.  Little of what I say are my words, but even my words are His!  It is so comforting to hear Him speak through me, so funny to hear my own words lecture myself!  Ha, ha!  To think that such a thing is possible!!  The joy I have found in belonging to Him is one I will never be able to XPress!  He is Love, He is Life, He is everything that lasts in eternity!!  No man (or woman) can compete with that!  There's no greater gift than this, "that He lay down His life for a friend".  Christ's life is the greatest XPression of love!  What a gift!  I am so in love with Him!  It's a comfort to know that I am 'taken', that I am 'in a relationship', and that I am 'in love'!  Not in the world's view of love, but I Christ's view of love!  There can be no greater gift than this satisfaction of being loved eternally and unconditionally!
     If you are a teen reading this, know that I'm in the same boat as you are.  Millions of teens all over the world are facing trials and temptations at this moment, but it is how we react to those situations that makes us different.  You can set goals, make a plan, stick to that plan, but keep Him by your side through it all and you will not fail. You will prevail, and we will walk together in His presence in the end.  Love your life, find the joy of your "Now", look to your "Tomorrow" as a gift from God, but look to your "Today" as your gift to God!  You are His beloved... don't forget it!

Peace-Love-Christ,

Clay

True Friendship!

A friend of mine sent this verse to me a couple of days ago, & I would like to share it with you all as well.  At the time, I was contemplating my friendships with different peers.  When it comes to friendship or commitment, I am cautious and careful.  I don't want to let myself slip into a friendship that may not be good for me.  Both sides deserve the best, so I have this thing about rushing into any type of relationships.  The true friend, or spouse, that is meant for me someday will have that same strategy.  She/he will not be turned off or discouraged by my cautiousness, but instead, treasure the fact that I am keeping the two of us in mind when I take things slow.  Ever jump into a friendship & find out later you should of looked into the person you were hanging out with before the 'big jump'??  Me too!  However, we are all learning and there is never a too late... at least... not in God's book! ;) Peace, <3, Watchful

Sirach 6:5-17

⁵ Pleasant speech multiplies friends,
   and a gracious tongue multiplies courtesies.
⁶ Let those who are friendly with you be many,
   but let your advisers be one in a thousand.
⁷ When you gain friends, gain them through testing,
   and do not trust them hastily.
⁸ For there are friends who are such when it suits them,
   but they will not stand by you in time of trouble.
⁹ And there are friends who change into enemies,
   and tell of the quarrel to your disgrace.
¹⁰ And there are friends who sit at your table,
   but they will not stand by you in time of trouble.
¹¹ When you are prosperous, they become your second self,
   and lord it over your servants;
¹² but if you are brought low, they turn against you,
   and hide themselves from you.
¹³ Keep away from your enemies,
   and be on guard with your friends. 

¹⁴ Faithful friends are a sturdy shelter:
   whoever finds one has found a treasure.
¹⁵ Faithful friends are beyond price;
   no amount can balance their worth.
¹⁶ Faithful friends are life-saving medicine;
   and those who fear the Lord will find them.
¹⁷ Those who fear the Lord direct their friendship aright,
   for as they are, so are their neighbours also.