LOL! So, I'm back! If you are like me, you probably prefer a situation to be predictable, promising, and controlled by... wait for it... you! Ha, ha! If so, no worries! Lately, the challenge of wanting to control EVERYTHING has lingered long and weighed heavily on the doorstep of my heart. So much of me knows that I am not ultimately in control of what happens, but sometimes, I still find myself trying to make life 'okay' or 'perfect'. Ha, ha! What was I thinking?
If you are still following, you probably know that the next step in the average control freak's world is FAILURE!! Have you ever wondered why? Maybe God allows us to fail, so that we can grow in the realization that He, and NOT WE, is in control! We are human, and obviously flawed, so how can anything that we determine to be right by our book, actually be right? It is when we are listening to our own desires and wants that we fall into the devil's trap, because we are no longer listening to our heavenly Father. While His lifestyle offers us persecution, trials and challenges, would you not rather that over an easy going life full of sin? I know that, when I stop to take a breath, I realize that the moments I was challenged in my walk the most, are the moments I treasure the deepest.
So why do we want to control ALL- THE- TIME?? Well, for me, my control issues are representations of my lack of faith and trust in God. You see, I am a girl who has been hurt (multiple times) and does not want to go back to that feeling of desperation again. When your heart breaks, and you realize that this human being you put so much trust into is actually a fraud... well, your heart breaks. I think I may have gotten tired of feeling my heart break, so I just decided to control everything. No relationships, no depending on anyone else, no risks... just me. When I took that leap, there was no going back. Suddenly, everything I did... I did. Sure, God was there beside me the whole time, but I did not acknowledge Him. This mindset of, "I can do anything you can do better", came into play. Although my few successes were all God, it was not until about two years later that I realized it. Everything I tried to control, tried to force, and even tried to create, just fell through. Something was there to catch me when I fell... but what? All my heartaches had occurred because I was putting faith in a human or materialistic object, and not in the everlasting Father figure of Christ.
That's what I love most about our heavenly Father. He is the greatest being, yet He is the quietest. With Him, it is not about boasting, flaunting or teasing... everything is simple, silent and sweet. Acts of love, true love. Love is not boastful, it does not flaunt or taunt... and when you think about it, that is God through and through. Silently loving and protecting us all. Never asking for acknowledgement or thank you's, just there for you when you need Him most.
So, to all my fellow control freaks... "Let go, and let God". Life will happen, and with life, pain and suffering... but what of the joys? Are we to cherish them or cast them aside? In the midst of your pain, when you just want to rely on yourself, imagine the outcome if you did... tell yourself, "Only He is big enough for this," and them give it all up to God. He is silent, but He is loving and protecting. When you are at your low, it is He that keeps your feet from dragging. Depend on Him, not on you. It's time to kiss those control freak days goodbye and become a Jesus Freak!!
Peace-Love-Christ,
Clay
