Control Freak?

LOL! So, I'm back!  If you are like me, you probably prefer a situation to be predictable, promising, and controlled by... wait for it... you!  Ha, ha!  If so, no worries!  Lately, the challenge of wanting to control EVERYTHING has lingered long and weighed heavily on the doorstep of my heart.  So much of me knows that I am not ultimately in control of what happens, but sometimes, I still find myself trying to make life 'okay' or 'perfect'.  Ha, ha!  What was I thinking?

If you are still following, you probably know that the next step in the average control freak's world is FAILURE!!  Have you ever wondered why?  Maybe God allows us to fail, so that we can grow in the realization that He, and NOT WE, is in control!  We are human, and obviously flawed, so how can anything that we determine to be right by our book, actually be right?  It is when we are listening to our own desires and wants that we fall into the devil's trap, because we are no longer listening to our heavenly Father.  While His lifestyle offers us persecution, trials and challenges, would you not rather that over an easy going life full of sin?  I know that, when I stop to take a breath, I realize that the moments I was challenged in my walk the most, are the moments I treasure the deepest.

So why do we want to control ALL- THE- TIME??  Well, for me, my control issues are representations of my lack of faith and trust in God.  You see, I am a girl who has been hurt (multiple times) and does not want to go back to that feeling of desperation again.  When your heart breaks, and you realize that this human being you put so much trust into is actually a fraud... well, your heart breaks.  I think I may have gotten tired of feeling my heart break, so I just decided to control everything.  No relationships, no depending on anyone else, no risks... just me.  When I took that leap, there was no going back.  Suddenly, everything I did... I did.  Sure, God was there beside me the whole time, but I did not acknowledge Him.  This mindset of, "I can do anything you can do better", came into play.  Although my few successes were all God, it was not until about two years later that I realized it.  Everything I tried to control, tried to force, and even tried to create, just fell through.  Something was there to catch me when I fell... but what?  All my heartaches had occurred because I was putting faith in a human or materialistic object, and not in the everlasting Father figure of Christ.

That's what I love most about our heavenly Father.  He is the greatest being, yet He is the quietest.  With Him, it is not about boasting, flaunting or teasing... everything is simple, silent and sweet.  Acts of love, true love.  Love is not boastful, it does not flaunt or taunt... and when you think about it, that is God through and through.  Silently loving and protecting us all.  Never asking for acknowledgement or thank you's, just there for you when you need Him most.

So, to all my fellow control freaks... "Let go, and let God".  Life will happen, and with life, pain and suffering... but what of the joys?  Are we to cherish them or cast them aside?  In the midst of your pain, when you just want to rely on yourself, imagine the outcome if you did... tell yourself, "Only He is big enough for this," and them give it all up to God.  He is silent, but He is loving and protecting.  When you are at your low, it is He that keeps your feet from dragging.  Depend on Him, not on you.  It's time to kiss those control freak days goodbye and become a Jesus Freak!!

Peace-Love-Christ,

Clay

This Christmas Time

  As Christmas time approaches, do you catch yourself wondering where time is going?  It's another Christmas, we're a year older, and what does this past year have to say for itself?  Have you changed?  Has your priorities changed?  Did something crazy happen to you this year that changed your life forever?

     As this Christmas approaches, I see a different girl when I look into the mirror.  So many things have happened this year that has changed my life forever.  I've begun to realize how special family, and the time we have with them is.  How everything, no matter how well planned and thought out, is still in His hands.  I've realized how little control I have over my life, and how I really just need to lay it all at His feet.  This Christmas, I really don't want anything... but I want to know that life's going to be okay, I wanna know my foster brother is ours forever, I wanna know my soon-to-be siblings in Haiti are coming home, I wanna know that we're going to have a more certain coming year.  So many things that I used to wish for, like the iPhone and the newest whatever, have completely lost their sparkle to me.  I wanna know that, someday, there will be no orphans crying from loneliness and hunger, that all our tears and sin will be washed away, that life, as we know it, will no longer have fear and hate.  For the first time in all my life, that's all I want.  In so many ways, He's given me that hope of eternal life, but my human self still feels empty at times.  I read of His promise, His love and His faithfulness... but this Christmas, I want to celebrate all of that for what it is!  I don't want to be excited about good food, or presents, I want to be excited about the gift of Christ's birth, promise and plan!  Why not rejoice because of the Father's faithfulness?  Isn't that what this is all about?  He's the 'reason for the season', so why don't we recognize that?!?  Forget the gifts, forget the pies, and rejoice in all that He has given you... life, family, friends, faith, hope in tomorrow, salvation and peace in knowing it's all in His hands!  That is what I am bursting with this season, so pardon me if I don't get too jacked about presents this year.  There is so much more to life than stuff!  So why do we measure our family's love by the type of present they get us, or how much they put into hosting us?!?  Why don't we rejoice in having a family to love, and spend Christmas getting to know the people we have, in many ways, grown apart from?  Family was God's gift to Jesus, so let us rejoice in receiving such a gift as the Messiah received!  Give thanks for He is good and His mercy endures forever!  Find a way this Christmas to concentrate on the little blessings... you may find the thing you've been searching for since the beginning.  It won't be wrapped, it won't have mouth watering smells drifting from it, but it will fill you up!

Much love and a merry Christmas!

~Clay~