Boys will be Boys... So What should You Avoid?

Hey girls!


As many of you know, girls can be vicious, at times.  Many are wonderful, as long as you are on their side, and some are genuinely sweet.  If you are like me, you may have morphed over to hanging out with 'the guys' more often than, 'the girls'.  Lol!!  Well, if you have, I feel your pain, and I understand why you might think that, by hanging out with guys, you will get the best of mostly everything!  Sadly, I had to learn my lesson the hard way.  So here is my article to you, my fellow young women, on how to keep your actions in check for God, your friends, and yourself. :)


For years now, I have been one of 'the guys'... in theory, that is.  About 75% of my friends are male, and for a long time, I thought I was living the life.  Coming from an area of competitive, backstabbing, girls, I felt that, by hanging out with guys who would never be my competition (and don't seem to be interested in cat fights) I would be 'playing it safe' for myself, and my happiness.  There were so many pluses to hanging out with 'the guys'!  I could wear sweats/bball shoes, play catch, or a game of three on three, and most importantly, there was NO CHICK DRAMA WHAT-SO-EVER!!! :D  For a long time, I thought I was in heaven.  Going to the movies with four guys, versus one = SCORE for my ego!!... Having close friends, of the opposite gender, to discuss relationships with = SCORE for my ability to understand guys better... and finally; Being able to feel accepted, and safe, with a group of people I truly felt good with = a boost to my happiness. :)  Through it all, a few warning flags went up, whether it be in discussions, or change in attitudes, but I ignored them, hoping to keep what I had going for awhile.  Sadly, I finally discovered why male/female friendships can be SO complicated if you're not careful, or you let your guard down.....


Of the four, or five, different times I have tried the whole 'one of the guys' things, my predicament in the end has persisted.  Eventually, somewhere along the way, a conversation is going to be hindered by your presence, an activity cancelled because they want to keep it literally just 'the guys', or a friendship will begin to develop into something else... for one of you.  Although the first two items on that problem list can make you feel bummed, like you are holding those friends back, the final item can literally ruin your friendship with the whole group.  Eventually, either you, or one of your guy 'friends', is going to start seeing someone in a different light... the crush light. :/  When that happens, it's down hill from there, unless you are both on the same page.  Sadly, because you joined the group to be a friend, that doesn't always mean you were accepted for that purpose.  The reality of it is, girls were never meant to be 'one of the guys'. :(  If you are like me, and you hoped that would not be the case for you, hope again, because it does not change based on the person.  No matter what, we were created to be attracted to the opposite sex, and if you mix those genders on a 1:5 ratio (or anything where you are outnumbered, and it's not a GROUP of evenly proportioned friends) things WILL end badly.  You may have a few weeks of un-awkward down time with 'the guys', but you, as a young woman, are testing yourself, and those around you.  Bottom line, guys are great, and they can be amazing friends, but we cannot allow ourselves to enter an outnumbered group of 'friends'.  For our sake, and for the sake of those we encounter, we must display choices that follow after our faith.  We, as young women of Christ, should never enter a situation that we secretly know will either tempt us, or the people with us.  Now, I am not saying that, by entering an 'evenly proportioned' group, things will change.  NOT AT ALL!!  Ha, ha!  Again, we are human, and we were designed to be attracted to the opposite sex, but by entering an evenly proportioned situation, your image as a young woman is not as hampered, your temptation is not as great, and your safety, and ability to blend with everyone, increases with 'non-coupled' events.  


As far as girl drama goes, high school does not last forever, and eventually you can get out into a MUCH bigger world, to find some true, humble, Christian, young women to surround yourself with.  Until then, devote your time to your church, or community.  Find ways to get yourself out of tempting, or dangerous, situations.  When you are hurting, or scared, find someone who is feeling even worse than you, and serve them.  In this, you will make your Heavenly Father smile, and put your soul to rest. :)  Imagine each young man you come in contact with, as someone's husband someday.  May your behavior mirror what you would prefer the young women, in your future husband's life, to behave like. 


Press on, ladies!


Clay 

So There's This Guy.... :)

What is love, to you?  Is it a feeling?  Something that you fall into... or grow into?  Is it soft and subtle, or overbearing and clingy?  What is your love language?  Touch, words, gifts...?  How do you begin to know when your 'kiddy crush' is something more?  Do you have to be in a relationship before that 'crush' is allowed to grow into something else?.... What is love?


As Christian young women (or young men... if you're a guy who's reading), we have hopefully already begun to set goal/standards in our life for that future significant other, but where can we truly turn to for advice on love?  "Love Quotes & Sayings" on Facebook can be cute/comforting... but are those quotes really shaping our expectations into something realistic/valuable/pure?  Hopefully you too have learned by now that media is NOT your go-to place for advice on what a pure Christian relationship should be like, but seriously, WHERE can we find a role model for love/relationships??!!  


As a Christian young women, I find myself constantly battling with right/wrong influences/advice.  Asking myself, "Who do I trust?"... "What if they're wrong?"  There's no way to know for sure if your source is true, unless that source is the purest human ever to live, Jesus.  The more I search through the Bible for answers, the more I realize how creative, special, and romantic God, and His great book, are!  Lets look at some examples:


1) Jesus was one of the greatest lovers of all time! Not only did He lay down His life for those He loved(s), but He also loved with NO STRINGS ATTACHED!!  Lol!  There was certainly nothing we could give Him, that He did not already possess, so WHY DIE FOR US??  That's how awesome our God is.  So awesome that He would try to come to earth, and show our poor race how to love purely!  Pretty sweet, if you ask me. :)


2) Ruth was one of the most loyal lovers in the Bible, and she is a great example for young women today.  She submitted to her elders; stayed beside her mother in-law when things got tough; remained faithful to God (even though He wasn't of her 'people'); served for her mother in-law humbly/diligently, so that they could live; and ultimately met the man of her dreams, by remaining faithful to her Lord!  Ruth is an awesome, and faithful, young woman, who should fill thousands of young, Christian women with hope and inspiration.  :)


3) Solomon was another GREAT lover!!  I mean, Songs of Solomon is an ENTIRE book in the Bible based off of his love life!!  How cool is that!!?  For the rest of forever, his love/enchantment/pure desires for his lover will be shared with Christians all over the world!  The two lovers speak of waiting for marriage happily; of temptations that preceded their marriage/nuptials; and their free verse to one another is as if you were a friend (or a servant/maid) in the room, as they dreamily speak of him/her!!  It's like a peek into their diaries!  What an awesome book!!  Did you know the Bible has its own love chapter!?  Now, if only we could wait, as they waited, and hold marriage as sacredly as they did.  


4) The story of Jacob and Rachel is another favorite of mine, and one of the main reasons for that is that this guy works 14 YEARS for this woman!  Tricked after 7 years, and married to the wrong girl, he slaves ANOTHER 7 YEARS for the woman he truly loves. :')  How cute is that!?  How many guys even truly work too hard to impress a girl these days??  It's like we're expected to like them, or "whatev!" Lol!!... For guys it may be, how many girls truly are in it for you, versus their FB relationship status, or social standings?  Do they just expect you to fall for them, work for them, or do they work to remain an equal partner/teammate in your relationship?  Is she waiting for you?...  Jacob has a different take on things.  He lays eyes on Rachel for the first time, and knows in his heart he wants to marry her.  Then, he has to convince Rachel's father to CONSIDER him!  After that, he has to agree to a ridiculous  proposal of working 7 YEARS for a woman he probably has not even been able to hold a private convo with!  In their story, it even says that those years seemed like days, because Jacob loved Rachel SO much!!  How cool is that!?  After the 7 years, Pops pulls a fast one on Jacob, and marries him to Rachel's older sister, Leah!  Seriously??  Rude!  Despite that, Jacob STILL doesn't give up, and agrees to ANOTHER 7 YEARS!!  So 14 years later (and who knows how old this dude is by now) Jacob FINALLY gets to marry the love of his life, Rachel, who's waited for him all those 14 years!  Wow!  Now that's true love! :D


Although the Bible doesn't give you flat out advice on what to do for your current crisis, it does give you plenty Godly examples to live by, strive for, and surround yourself with. :)  So next time there's a new guy (girl) in your life, who has you daydreaming, and running into stuff, go to God with something like this...." So, God, there's this guy (girl)...." ;)  


Peace-Love-Christ,


Clay